


i wanna kiss you until i lose my breath

by astraeal



Category: Book of the Ancestor Series - Mark Lawrence
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, First Kiss, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28388262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraeal/pseuds/astraeal
Summary: Five times they nearly kissed (+ one time they did)
Relationships: Nona Grey/Arabella Jotsis
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	i wanna kiss you until i lose my breath

**Author's Note:**

> this follows the books except bound and most of holy sister don’t happen.  
> also there isn’t any specific time period but i imagined these spanning across mystic/holy class.  
> title from i wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red

**one.**

When Blade Class started that day, Ara and Nona raced each other to see who could change into their training gear first. Ara won that round, with a smug smile on her lips while Nona glared at her, promising revenge for the next time.

They didn’t really plan these courses beforehand. Sometimes it happened, sometimes not. They would look at each other before entering the building, and with just that look they _knew_ , and the game was on.

Mistress Blade always looked at them with small desperation, as if these girls needed to burn out all of their energy before class had even started.

Today, they were working with daggers. Learning how to come close enough to touch but not _too_ close to be touched in return. Nona and Ara paired together, as they did most of the time. Their strengths match the other’s, so it made sense to train together, but it also pushed them to _more_. The want to surpass the other motivated them so much; they never fought so well as when they were together. Against each other or side by side.

After some warming up, they started circling around each other.

“Ready to lose again today?” Ara asked with that small smirk of hers she knew infuriated Nona to no end. She often thought of ripping it off Ara's face with her own mouth. But only in the back of her mind. Where all her secret thoughts were locked away. There were more important matters at the time.

“You wish.”

And just like before, it was on.

Nona surged forward with her blade raised while Ara dropped to the ground in a crouch, her arms lifting, ready to block. They met in a shock of noises, metal upon metal, and moved back in less than a second, hunska-swift, ready to go at each other again. They kept going like this for a while, never losing but never really winning, hard slashes of their daggers against one another.

Both of them were now breathing fast and loud, but no close to stopping. They would only stop with one of them on the ground, admitting defeat. Or if Sister Tallow told them to. There was no disobeying Mistress Blade.

They paused only for barely a moment now and then, meeting each other’s gaze with fierce determination. None of the other novices paid attention to them, too used to their antics by now. And they, as well, didn’t pay attention to the other girls. They were in a bubble together, Nona and Ara. Nothing else mattered. No one else was as important. It was only them, in this fight. 

Nona’s eyes hadn’t left Ara’s figure since the beginning, and she sensed the burn of Ara’s own stare on her. It was starting to feel a little too much, but she couldn’t stop — and at the same time, it wasn’t enough.

Finally, Nona saw an opening. Without thinking, she threw herself at Ara with full force, making her fall on the sand.

“Argh!”

They hit the ground with a loud thud, Nona using her body to weight Ara down. When she was sure her hold on her friend was secure, Nona glanced up, a smirk appearing on her mouth, only to freeze as soon as she realised how close she was to Ara.

Nona was completely laying on her, their heads so close together she could feel Ara’s breath on her chin. They both had their eyes wide open, staring at each other. Nona could count every single one of Ara’s eyelashes from this distance.

The _“I won”_ she planned to say got stuck in her throat. She had lost the ability to speak or make any noise whatsoever. All she could do was stare, stare, and stare at Ara. Her eyes were so blue Nona could drown in them. She _wanted_ to. 

Nona only realised her face had come even closer — and how was that even possible? — when the tips of their noses touched. This startled her a little but she made no move to step away. She couldn’t. Nona was absolutely, completely transfixed by Ara. By the brightness of her eyes, the freckles scattered across her face, mostly on her nose, looking like tiny little stars, her smooth skin and that one drop of sweat rolling down her neck.

By their closeness. Nona could _feel_ Ara under her, around her, everywhere. All she wanted was to lean closer and —

A clap separated them. 

“All right, girls. That’s enough for today. You can go change or hit the blade-path, but don’t forget to stow your daggers away first.”

Nona dragged her gaze to Mistress Blade, who was now speaking with a novice not too far away. Reality came back. They were not alone in the world, only too lost in each other to notice the passing of time. And that class was over. Nona turned back to Ara and they looked at each other, silent. Ara was still laying on the ground, her elbows supporting her weight, while Nona had come to a crouch at her side. 

Ara opened her mouth. Closed it. Nona stood up and extend a hand toward Ara. She smiled a little uncertainly. “C’mon. Let’s go. Rematch another time?”

Ara chuckled quietly. She took the hand Nona had offered her, getting up with her help, and said, “Yeah, OK.”

* * *

**two.**

Nona sighed. Again. She was tired of being in the sanatorium. Most of all, she was bored. Nothing to do, nothing to see. Ruli and Jula had visited her quickly during lunch, but now all her friends were in class. While she was stuck here. It wasn’t even a serious wound! A wire cut in her left calf due to a moment of inattention during Shade class. Nona had only herself to blame. Yes, it hurt to put her foot down, but did she need her feet moving in Academia, where she was sitting and her brain did all the work? She didn’t think so!

She sighed another time.

“This is your twenty-third sigh in the last hour, do you have something on your mind?”

Sister Rose was watching her from her desk near the entrance. Nona was her only patient, and it had been relatively silent in the sanatorium since she changed Nona’s bandages a little while after Ruli and Jula left. Save, of course, for Nona’s sighs.

“I just don’t see the need for me to stay in bed,” Nona answered, pouting. “I feel better already, and I could be back in class…”

“What you need is to learn to rest,” Sister Rose spoke firmly. She only talked strongly when faced with an unconcerned patient. “You may feel fine, but you will only truly be when your body had a sufficient break. I don’t need you running around only to land there again because you reopened your wound.”

Nona pouted a little more. She was wondering if she’d have to practice her patience-trance — something that, for her, could be even worse than being stuck in a bed with nothing to do — when Sister Rose spoke again. “In any case, Bray is about to ring soon. No doubt you’ll have visitors to distract you.”

That brought a smile on Nona’s face again. It was easier to wait when she knew she’d see her friends soon after. 

True to Sister Rose’s words, Nona heard Bray singing not too long after that conversation, and barely a minute had passed before she saw Ara barging into the sanatorium, scanning the beds until her eyes landed on Nona.

“Novice Arabella,” sighed Sister Rose, “I will ask you to be more gentle before you break one of my doors. Here is a place of calm.”

“Sorry Sister,” Ara grimaced but still hurried toward Nona with almost hunska speed. She dropped on the chair next to the bed and took Nona’s hands in hers, gripping them tight. “I’m so, _so_ sorry I couldn’t come to you earlier,” she said all in one breath. “Mistress Shade had me clean up after…”

“After the mess I made?” Nona cut in when she sensed the halt in her friend’s apology. “It was my fault Ara, you don’t have to be sorry.”

At these words, Ara lowered her head and inspired heavily. “I know, I just—” she broke off and stood up before sitting again, but on the side of Nona’s bed this time. They were facing each other now. Ara hadn’t let go of her hands, keeping them secure in her hold. “I worry about you, you know,” she finished with a small voice, not looking at Nona in the eyes.

This, right there, broke Nona’s heart a little bit. 

“Ara…” She paused and tugged at their hands until Ara finally met her eyes again. “You and I both know it wasn’t a severe wound. Sister Rose said I mostly needed rest. I’ll be back on my feet in no time.”

A quiet puff was heard from the other side of the room, reminding the girls they had an audience. Nona flashed Sister Rose a quick smile before turning back to Ara who was biting her lower lip. Suddenly it was all Nona could look at.

“That’s not my point,” Ara said after a moment, and Nona forced herself to look up. “You still end up in the sanatorium more than anyone else. In the long term, this can’t be good for your body, for you.”

Nona was speechless. She certainly hadn’t thought about it like that. And the fact that it was _Ara_ who was so concerned over _her_? She simply couldn’t answer. 

“Please be more careful,” Ara continued. “I don’t want to lose you.”

And _what_ could Nona say to that? She nodded helplessly, not even registering the movements. Starting now, she would do everything in her power to not cause Ara any more worry, Nona thought determinedly to herself. She gripped their hands a little tighter, showing her friend that she understood. The few times Ara had been hurt, or landed in the sanatorium, Nona couldn’t keep still. It didn’t seem right to her that her friends would have to go through the exact same motions and distress every single time she’d end up injured. It wasn’t fair of her. Nona nodded more firmly, looking Ara right in the eyes, hoping her intentions would come across. Ara always understood her.

Ara smiled at her nod and suddenly Nona had never felt so warm before. Her own lips turned upward and Ara glanced briefly at it before slowly leaning in. Nona stopped breathing. 

_Was this…_

She opened her eyes — when had she closed them? — when she felt the press of a mouth on her forehead. It stayed there for a few moments before Ara leaned away. They stared at each other, and Nona didn’t want to imagine what Ara would find in her eyes. She was tempted to close them again. But she didn’t. It allowed her to see how Ara bit her lip again after opening her mouth, making no sound. To see the faint blush on her cheeks or the way her eyelashes lowered just slightly.

Even with her eyes closed, though, Nona would have felt Ara letting out a silent sigh. Ara letting go of her hands after a last squeeze. And she heard it plainly when Ara murmured a small _“Take care”_ before patting Nona’s arm and walking away, a promise to visit her again later on her lips, leaving Nona to rest in her bed, alone once again. 

* * *

**three.**

The sun was setting down and the wind was picking up, but all Nona could feel was the emptiness inside of her. She watched as Ara said goodbye to her friends and hugged them, and wondered why she couldn’t go with her. Realistically she knew it was not her place to be; it was a Jotsis affair, a family matter, and Nona had no business being there. But still. It ached to know Ara would leave the convent for a few days and Nona wouldn’t see her during that time. She could already feel the loneliness. 

Ara’s grandmother, the previous Lord Jotsis before she passed the title a few years ago to her oldest son, Ara’s uncle, was dying. All of her descendants were to honour her one last time. Nona knew Ara wasn’t particularly close to her grandmother but it was still a difficult period for her family. She wished she could do more for her. 

“And remember you have my permission to kick their asses should the need arise,” Ruli shouted as Ketti dragged her and Jula back toward the convent. 

Ara laughed warmly, her teeth showing a little. She had this tiny gap between her two front teeth that would only show when she smiled or laughed widely, and Nona always found it so lovely when she was able to witness it. “I didn’t know I needed your authorisation to do that?” she shouted back at Ruli, who only made a vague gesture with her arm in a _pfft_ sound.

Still chuckling a little to herself, Ara turned back toward Nona. Her eyes softened at the sight of her. “Still there?” 

“Always,” Nona replied earnestly.

In answer, Ara smiled at her. Who needed light when you had someone shining so brightly like that in front of you? “Do I get a hug from you too?” she asked.

_Always_. “Yes.” Nona reached out with her arms and Ara naturally stepped into them, resting her head in the crook of Nona’s neck. They stayed like that for a while, and Nona felt at peace again. She never wanted them to part again. They should stay like this forever. It felt _right_ to have Ara in her arms. 

Nona lifted an arm and tentatively placed it on the ends of Ara’s hair, near her hips. She felt her friend hummed happily against her throat in response, and so she started brushing it lightly with her fingers. Nona _loved_ Ara’s hair. It was even softer than it looked. These golden curls were part of many of Nona’s dreams. Some daydreams, too. She always wanted to play with it, her fingers trailing through the locks, to ruffle it up a little. Would it tickle Ara? She knew her friend was extremely ticklish on her ribs, having succumbed to many play battles in the dormitory from infinite tickles there. But on her head, her hair? Nona ached to know. 

Sadly, she would not learn about it today, as Ara raised her face from Nona’s neck to look at her in the eyes. Although she stayed in her arms, and Nona was glad for this small blessing.

“It will only be a few days, I’ll be back before you even notice I’m gone,” Ara tried to reassure her. She was a fool for thinking Nona wouldn’t notice her absence, though. Nona was attuned to Ara’s presence by now. She knew when the other girl walked into a room; her eyes would always fall on her.

Nona couldn’t find an adequate answer to that, so she simply stayed silent, staring at Ara as if she could commit her to memory. Ara stared back right at her. Nona found that most of the time, these days, when she’d look at Ara, Ara would already be looking back to her. It made Nona feel known. She liked the little jolt of realisation, of delight, that would pass over her body as soon as she would notice Ara’s eyes were already on her.

With her friend in her arms, looking at her, Nona felt she could get lost in the shape, in the feeling of Ara. They could stay like this forever and Nona would only be grateful. Something in the back of her mind told her she’d already been lost many years ago, maybe even since the moment she laid her eyes on Arabella Jotsis for the very first time. 

Feeling suddenly too much, too close — wanting _more_ — Nona tightened her hold on Ara for a quick instant before letting go, stepping back. 

“Come back, alright? And take care,” Nona pressed hastily. 

Ara seemed to reach out with her hands, as if to get a hold on Nona again, simply touching or keeping her close, but Nona was already retreating, turning back to Sweet Mercy and walking faster and faster. She didn’t want to see Ara leave the convent. She couldn’t. It was already hard as it was. Not turning back was maybe even harder. But she held on with the thought of how in a few days they’ll be reuniting again. 

It was only when Nona had turned around a building and was out of sight that Ara turned back from where she was watching and started walking toward Verity, where her escort was waiting for her.

* * *

**four.**

Windows shuddered against the ice-wind and Nona shivered a little more in her bed. It was particularly freezing these days, especially at night — except for that one blissful moment of the focus moon, when everything around them was warm. Girls from Grey Class had left the previous day for the ranging, and Nona was glad she had the building and her blankets to keep her warm. Still, it was not enough. All these years sleeping in a warm bed had made her body lose the cold resistance she had developed from growing up in the Grey. 

“Nona.” A murmur. She almost thought she’d dreamed it before she heard it again, a little louder. “Nona.”

She turned around and saw Ara sitting up in the bed next to her, watching her. 

“I can feel you shivering from there.” Ara patted her mattress. “Come here.” At Nona’s hesitation, she added, “We can keep each other warm.”

Nona felt herself blush at that. She knew her friend didn’t mean it like _that_ , but just to think about it… She slowly rose from her bed, her blanket wrapped around her, and made her way to Ara. Barely a few steps, really, but it seemed like the moment was stretching forever. Ara kept smiling softly at her as she watched her advance, and Nona felt weak in her body. Maybe it was just because of the cold. Probably not.

Ara raised her blanket and shifted just a little more to the left, leaving more space on the bed to Nona. Still a little uncertain, Nona climbed next to Ara and set her own blanket on top of Ara’s. They laid back down, trying to settle in the small bed. Their knees bumped together more than once and Nona’s way too cold feet startled Ara, but they managed to find a comfortable position. 

“This is already better, don’t you think?” Ara asked, a small smile on her lips.

And yes, it was. They were both laying on their sides, facing each other, and Nona could already feel the warmth of Ara surrounding her. 

“Hmm,” she agreed, her eyes closing on their own. She was feeling quite comfy like that and sensed it would not be too long before sleep took her now. Ara’s presence was really soothing. 

Ara hummed back and her hand moved on the mattress, searching for Nona’s. Once found, she dragged her fingers across her palm, drawing invisible patterns on it. Ara’s light touch on her hand felt a little like walking the Path, Nona thought. Beautiful and dangerous and so, so powerful. Take too much and it could break you. She always worried that one day she would not survive it.

Fingers still dancing on her hand, Nona couldn’t find the force to open her eyes. She wanted to look at Ara, though… With some unknown strength, she blinked open her eyes and observed her friend with all the attention she currently had at her disposition. Ara had her own eyes almost closed and her smile widened when she saw Nona looking at her. They stared at each other for a few moments before Ara fully closed her eyes and started humming softly, her fingertip still caressing Nona’s palm and wrist. Nona felt satisfied and let her eyes shut once again. She moved just a bit closer to Ara, their legs now touching entirely, and sighed in contentment. 

“You warmer?” Ara whispered close to Nona’s ear, her breath tickling her a little.

“Yeahhh…” More of a sigh than anything else. As if she had to ask. Nona’s favourite place was, and always will be, in Ara’s arms. There, the cold couldn’t touch her. There, she would always be warm. 

“Hmm, ‘m glad. Come.”

Nona only had a few seconds to wonder what her friend meant — where was she supposed to go? — before Ara slipped a leg between Nona’s, intertwining them together. 

“How are your feet so cold?”

“Don’t know. You’ll have to keep them warm.”

“Will do.” And with that Ara started rubbing her calves against Nona’s feet, making her snigger just a little. “Is it working?”

Nona could feel the smile on Ara’s lips without having to see it. She threw her arm around Ara’s waist, hugging her close. “Yeah. Keep doing.”

Ara didn’t have to be told twice. Her legs kept moving, warming their lower bodies, and the fingers that were dancing on Nona’s palm took a grip of her hand, holding it tight against hers. With her other hand, Nona started stroking Ara’s back against her nightgown, as delicately as she could, as if she was holding something precious — which, she was.

Humming once again, Ara knocked their foreheads together gently and remained like this, connected to Nona. The tips of their noses were touching and Nona inhaled strongly, revelling in Ara’s scent. She always smelled so good, like fresh flowers and a little something sweet. Her scent always soothed Nona; it would calm her in fits of anger, like a warm hug surrounding her. Ara’s fragrance felt like coming home. 

Opening her mouth a little to breathe more heavily, Nona huddled close against Ara’s body and exhaled. Their breaths mingled together, and they fell asleep just like that.

When they woke up the next morning, they were still in each other’s embrace. 

* * *

**five.**

Nona was leaning on Ara’s shoulders, being dragged away from the blade-path, where she had just scored a new record. They had been at it for hours, taking advantage of the tranquillity during a seven-day to go at it, again and again and again. A few novices had come and gone, never staying for too long. It had been Nona and Ara for hours on the blade-path, now both exhausted and wild at the same time. 

Nona grinned like crazy as she followed Ara to the bathhouse, both by the exhilaration of running through the blade-path — setting a new record! — and the joy of being with her friend, playing around with her.

They shoved each other through the door of the bathhouse, getting rid of their habits as fast as they could. Ara was the first one ready by a few seconds, standing triumphantly next to the pool, her hands on her hips as if she had just won a prize. Not letting it affect her, Nona jumped at her and pushed them both into the water, a loud _splash_ echoing in the empty room.

Nona just had time to emerge, breathing into the air for barely half a second, before she was shoved back under the water by Ara, full of revenge. She kicked her in the shin in retaliation and they started sending water in each other’s direction as soon as they hit the surface. It was lucky they were alone in the bathhouse for all the noise and the mess they were making. Sister Wheel would have a stroke to see them like that. But no matter. It was only the two of them, and they were clearly both enjoying themselves. Nona loved to hear Ara laugh. If she could bottle the sound of that laughter in a flask to listen whenever she wanted to, she would. 

After play fighting for a few minutes, they drifted apart, enjoying the feeling of water on their skin. Nona laid on her back, eyes closed. She spun her hand in the water and listened. To the sound of the water moving, to the wind she could hear faintly from the outside, to Ara. It wasn’t conscious, but most of the time her ears would stretch out, ready to pay attention to every single noise Ara would make. Her breathing, as slow as it was. Her feet touching the ground, moving in a direction — closer, closer to Nona. The quiet humming of the song that would help her fall asleep when she was a young child, barely little. The soft _tap tap tap_ of her nails against her thigh. Nona loved every single sound of Ara. 

She opened her eyes and turned her head to see her friend was also laying on her back, eyes on the ceiling. Like this, Nona had an ear into the water and thus heard less, but she could watch Ara, as her hair floated around her, giving her a golden aura, like a divine vision. As Nona stared at Ara, one side of her felt muted from the muffled sound of the water in her ear. It sounded fitting, she thought. When she watched Ara, the entire world could disappear around her. There was only Ara. 

A sigh escaped her mouth and Ara turned toward her. She looked at Nona for a few seconds without saying anything before righting herself in the pool and paddling closer. 

“You OK?”

“Oh. Yes,” Nona answered, setting herself upright too, her toes touching the bottom. “I’m just… Feeling a lot, I guess.”

“Nonaaaa,” Ara drawled her name in a singing voice. It sounded delicious, coming from her. “You need to learn how to stop thinking all the time, relax a little! You’re too uptight.” 

Her hand rose above the water and she poked Nona’s shoulder. Surprised, Nona stepped back and felt the wall of the pool against her back. Ara followed and poked her shoulder a second time with a look of concentration. Then gripped it. Nona had no idea what she was doing.

“Damn, your muscles are way too tense. I think you need a massage. Pretty sure I could get Sister Rose to prescribe you one. Oh! Or I could give you one! I’m pretty good with my hands—”

Ara kept talking but Nona’s brain had stopped functioning when it heard the word ‘massage’. She barely understood that Ara proposed to be the one massaging her before she felt two warm hands on her shoulders, fingers slightly wrinkled from all their time in the water. 

“Wha—” Nona startled. 

“Sorry,” Ara smiled sheepishly. “I should have asked before.”

“That—that’s OK, Ara, I just wasn’t prepared. Maybe we can do it later?”

“Sounds like a great idea!” Ara’s smile could light up all of Verity.

Despite what they agreed upon, Ara’s hands stayed on Nona’s skin. In fact, they started moving downward on her arms, up and down, a light caress giving Nona goosebumps. She looked down to where Ara’s hands were touching her skin before looking back to Ara’s eyes. Her gaze was so intense. 

Ara stepped even closer, their toes and knees touching, and she dropped one of her hand to Nona’s hip, poking it quickly before going back to a caress. Nona’s heart beat faster and faster, her breath louder. The air felt charged around them. She wanted to touch Ara back. 

She raised the arm Ara wasn’t touching anymore and carefully put her fingers on her cheek, near the corner of her mouth. Ara licked her lips and her tongue briefly brushed against Nona’s fingers. Nona was captivated. She wanted Ara to do it again and again.

Nona looked back up — realising she was staring at Ara’s mouth! again! — but froze when she noticed Ara’s eyes were on her lips. Time seemed to stop in that moment. Nona was so close to just give in and kiss her when she heard the wind becoming stronger and the door of the bathhouse opening. 

Turning her head, Nona saw a novice from Red Class coming in and stripping, with raised eyebrows in their direction. Nona remembered her. Kari. She trained on the blade-path with them not too long ago before leaving, saying Mistress Blade had instructed her to run around the convent every day to improve her endurance. She must have finished.

Nona looked back to Ara, who was already watching her. She had felt her friend stepping away when the door had opened, but they were still relatively close. Nona felt colder now, though. She could still feel the ghost of Ara’s fingers on her skin.

“Well,” Ara said, smiling to Nona, and the cold vanished. “I think I owe you a massage. Shall we?” She spread out an arm in the door's direction. 

“Yes. Let’s.” 

Together they stepped out of the water.

* * *

**plus one.**

Nona tried to dry herself as fast as possible. Her skin may still be a little damp when she put her habit on, but who cared? Certainly not her. She burned with the promise of—something.

By the time Nona was done, Ara still wasn’t completely dressed. She was always more thorough with the care of her body — something Nona didn’t have the patience for. For Ara, though, Nona could wait. And she did. She watched as Ara put on her skirts, droplets of water falling down from the tip of her hair. It was alluring to see Ara with half her clothes on. Despite the hardness of her trained body, there was still a little something of softness surrounding her. Nona loved that as delicate as she could look, Ara was one of the stronger Red Sisters to be. A true Martial Sister in the body of a Sis. What a sight. 

“Are you gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna help me?” Ara’s teasing brought back Nona as she was getting more and more lost in her thoughts. 

“Give me that,” she said, pointing to the towel around Ara’s neck as she approached. Ara dutifully handed it to her and shifted so that Nona was now facing her back. 

It always gave Nona a little shock to find herself taller than Ara. She could remember a time, almost ten years ago now, when she had to lift her head to look at her friend. She liked that it was the other way around now. 

While Ara put on her tights, Nona dried Ara’s hair as gently as she could. It would do no good to go back out there with wet hair. 

“OK! Ready,” Ara said as she finished tying up her shoes. “Let’s go.” With that, she held out her hand and Nona naturally took it. They stepped outside the bathhouse together, fingers interlaced, and Ara led her back toward the dormitory. 

As it was still quite early, the dormitory was relatively empty. Ghena was napping, and Sarma was slipping into her study. Nona knew Jula was still in the scriptorium. The others probably hadn’t returned from Verity yet. 

Tugging on their hands, Ara led her to her bed where she made Nona sit in front of her, legs crossed.

“OK. Get comfy.”

Nona tried, but between knowing what they were here for and what had — nearly — happened earlier, it was hard. She couldn’t stop fidgeting. 

“Stop it,” Ara told her, placing her hands on Nona’s shoulders. “Try to relax? It’s just me.”

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? There was nothing simply ‘just’ about Arabella Jotsis. Despite their rocky start, she was the best friend Nona ever had, and she was so _good_. Was there someone kinder than Ara in all Abeth? Disputable. Most of Nona’s possessions had been given to her by Ara, as gifts, expecting nothing in return. That was just what she did. Small things to Ara, but for Nona, it was priceless treasures. Giving, hoping to make Nona happy. 

And when it was time to fight, there was something so fierce about Ara, so firm. Soft with her friends, but hard with her enemies. When they were not sparring together, Nona loved to watch Ara fight against the other novices. That was a sight to behold. She held nothing back.

Ara was Nona’s favourite person, and _that_ made her afraid to want more. Their friendship was too precious to Nona to risk anything. In that way, she was a coward. 

A tap on her neck brought her back to the present. 

“Hey,” Ara said, two fingers resting near her pulse. “We don’t have to do it if you’re not comfortable.”

Nona shook her head. “No. No, go for it.”

“You sure?” she sounded hesitant. In truth, Nona wasn’t too confident either, but mostly because she didn’t know how her body would react to Ara’s hands on her, massaging her. Her body was a traitor to all Ara-involved-things. Still, Nona nodded and pushed back a little with her shoulders.

Reassured, Ara placed her hands on Nona’s shoulders more firmly and pressed down, along her shoulders and upper back. 

“Oh…” Nona sighed. It felt nice. “Just— A little more to the left?”

“There?” 

Nona moaned in delight. Ara was right, she _was_ good with her hands. She felt herself arching into the touch, not wanting Ara’s hands to leave her body ever again. 

Ara chuckled sweetly but said nothing, only kept on wrecking Nona with her touch. She progressively stopped after a few minutes, or maybe a few hours, Nona couldn’t tell. It was like she was in a trance. All the while she had been making little helpless noises against Ara’s touch and felt at lost when it stopped. Thankfully, Ara’s hands didn’t leave their place on Nona’s shoulder and back, only stopping the pressure. Her fingers kept moving in little circles, like a caress. 

“You already seem less tense,” Ara said, lowering her face to rest her chin on Nona’s head. “We should do this more regularly I think.”

“Yeah… Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

“Hmmm.”

Nona didn’t want to move. She felt nice with Ara resting on her. She lifted an arm to take the hand Ara was resting on her shoulder in hers, their fingers playing with each other, Ara’s other hand setting on her waist. And, because of the mood, because of what happened in the bathhouse earlier that she was still feeling it, because it was _Ara_ , and because she loved her, Nona pressed a kiss to her knuckles. 

Ara inhaled strongly, her chin raising from Nona’s head. Nona instantly felt a sense of doom within her. Was that it? Had she managed to fuck up everything? 

She tried to take her hand back, resolute to hide some place far away, but Ara tightened her grip and didn’t let her go. 

“Nona…” she whispered, but Nona couldn’t face her, couldn’t utter a single word. She closed her eyes and waited for the worst.

The worst didn’t come. Instead, she felt more than she heard Ara’s breath against her cheekbone before feeling the soft press of lips against her temple. Nona reopened her eyes abruptly and turned her head to see Ara looking at her, a light smile on her lips but doubt in her gaze. Nona stared into these beautiful blue eyes and all she could see was her own feelings reflected.

“Oh.” Barely a murmur, but Ara heard her, of course she did, and smiled more widely. It was like an enormous pack of confetti had exploded inside her, she felt dizzy. 

Nona got on her knees and turned around, facing Ara — no longer afraid to. She realised she was smiling back when Ara put a finger on her lips, tracing them. Feeling bold, Nona took the tip of Ara’s finger in her mouth and bit gently. Mouth open in a silent gasp and fake indignation — Nona knew her, knew her expressions too well to know when it was true or false — Ara pushed Nona back onto the bed. Between standing on her knees and the kisses, Nona was pretty unsteady and fell against the pillow behind her.

Ara immediately climbed on the bed and sat on Nona’s legs, placing her arms on Nona’s shoulders and knocking their forehead together.

“There,” she said, all smiles. “I caught you, you can’t run away from me.”

“You caught me,” Nona confirmed. And, grinning, “What are you planning to do with me now?”

A second passed where they looked at each other, knowing full well what was going to happen, before Ara closed the last of the distance between them and kissed her right on the mouth. 

If before Nona had felt like an explosion of confetti inside her, it was now a full-on raging storm. She probably would have exploded if Ara wasn’t there to centre her, her mouth the focus of her attention. 

Nona wrapped her arms around Ara’s middle and brought her closer, always closer to her. She was determined not to let her go. And by the way Ara was kissing her, with all her heart, their lips sliding against each other, she was feeling the exact same. 

Short of breath, Nona had to pull back and hid her face in Ara’s neck, not able to look at her anymore if she wanted to live any longer. She was so _bright_. Nona tightened her hold on Ara’s waist and breathed in. This actually proved to be the best place where she could be right now. Everything smelled like Ara and as she regained her breath, Nona started pressing open kisses on Ara’s neck. 

She heard Ara muttering her name again and again and again before she tugged on Nona’s ear to make sure she was listening. 

“Hm?” she asked, not wanting to move from Ara’s neck. It was a really great place. She was good there. 

“Nona, Nona, Nona… You know I love you, right? You must know. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel like that, I don’t want to live without you. I want to wake up and see your face every day, and talk and spar and laugh with you for forever. Nona I— Nona are you crying?”

“No,” Nona lied, sniffing. Of course she was crying. Tears were running down her face and Ara probably could feel them on her neck, but she never… Expected to hear that. She felt like dreaming. Only better. 

“Oh,” Ara said. She put her hands on Nona’s cheek and lifted her face, making them look at each other. While not crying, her eyes were a little humid. “There,” she said as she placed a delicate kiss on Nona’s eyelid, and then the other. “Better?”

Nona replied by pressing her lips against Ara’s, soft and quick, and then longer, with more force. As they separated, she said against Ara’s mouth, “I love you too.”

Ara’s smile was so huge she was glowing. Nona told her so, and Ara shut her up by kissing her some more. 

**Author's Note:**

> while i was writing my kitty put her head on my keyboard and wrote this masterpiece: +-  
> thought i should honour her and put this here. 
> 
> at first i had planned a different scene for the +1 but as i was writing the fifth one i just had to do a follow up so you maaaaaay get a little something else soon. [update: [there it is!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29024124)]
> 
> thank you for reading! you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cosiette) and [tumblr](https://cosiette.tumblr.com/)!


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